The Binary and Nonbinary Genders

While there is a binary consisting of zeros and ones, this is not the binary I am here to tell you about today (though there are parallels). This Terminology Tuesday I want to talk about the gender binary.

The gender binary is a system in which there are only two rigidly defined genders. These genders are male and female. In the gender binary system, there is no straying from one or the other. The two genders are generally coupled with an equally rigid idea of masculinity and femininity, respectively.

The LGBTQ+ community (for the most part) recognizes this as a very limiting way to view gender, especially because of the existence of nonbinary gender identities.

Nonbinary gender identities encompass all genders which are not male or female. These include, but are certainly not limited to, bigender, third gender, and androgyne. These identities do not conform to the rigidity of the gender binary.

Growing up with a nonbinary identity can be a difficult thing to do, especially in a place where the binary is the norm. If you have a story, experience, or piece of advice you would like to share, or anything else you would like to add, feel free to leave a comment, contact me directly, or find us on Twitter.

Posted in Gender, LGBTQ+, Spectrum, Terminology Tuesday | Leave a comment

Tragedy at Pulse

This morning began, for me, like most mornings do. I looked at the clock to see if I either underslept or overslept. I unplugged my phone and checked to see if I had any urgent notifications, then moving to check my email and twitter notifications. I messaged a friend and we talked for a little while until he had to go to work.

At 10:54 this morning I received a message from another friend of mine, who happens to be a member of the LGBTQ+ community and on vacation in Florida:

I wasn’t at pulse I’m alive

At this point in the morning, I had no idea what he was talking about.

Upon learning more about what happened (and reading about it all day from that point to now), I was at a loss for words. Despite this, I’m going to do my best to explain it.

Pulse, a nightclub in Orlando, FL advertised as a gay dance club, was attacked by Omar Mateen (who was later killed by police) at around 2am. At least 50 individuals were killed, and at least 53 were injured, making it the deadliest shooting in United States history. According to Mateen’s father (as reported by NBC News), the shooting was unrelated to religion and Mateen was angered by the sight of a homosexual couple kissing. However, according to a U.S. official (as reported by CNN), “Mateen called 911 around the time of the attack to pledge allegiance to ISIS.”

To my understanding, nothing about his affiliation has been confirmed yet. However, that doesn’t mean nothing is confirmed. We know that he opened fire in a place where those in the LGBTQ+ community felt safe, and 50+ people were killed.

Regardless of his affiliation, acts of hate are acts of hate, and acts of violence are acts of violence. There is a lot of talk right now about how this is because of his heritage, which has yet to be confirmed. But we need to look at this for what it is and stop saying this all happened because of the area of the world he might have ancestry in (it is confirmed that he was born in New York). A good portion of discussion on social media has led to the generalization that it’s the fault of everyone who supported immigrants coming into the country, and that only adds to the false idea that people who are of this descent or that faith are all bad people, and they aren’t. The fact of the matter is this was an act of violence and it happened to the LGBTQ+ community. Though things have definitely gotten better in terms of violence towards this community, this violence is still something we are facing.

This morning began, for me, like most mornings do. But for those directly impacted, for many of those in the LGBTQ+ community, and for countless others, this morning brought pain and tragedy. Our hearts are with you. Getting angry and tossing blame around is not going to solve anything, make anything better, or help prevent it from happening again. So I suppose the real question is, what are we going to do next? For example, there’s talk of more support for gun control, which has facts to back it up. But no matter what happens, the important thing is that we stick together and support each other. Whether that support comes from those directly in the community, or allies affiliated with the community, we can stand together and keep advocating for a better tomorrow.

Posted in Content Warning, Issue, LGBTQ+, Societal, Stereotypes | Leave a comment

“Finding Dory” and Media Representation

Due to a recent trailer, there is talk of the possibility of a lesbian couple in “Finding Dory.” This has gotten a lot of attention lately, and I wanted to take the time to discuss it as well because it is important to talk about.

This speculation about a same-sex couple getting depicted in this movie has been the target of criticism, with one person saying “okay not trying to be mean but this is getting out of hand,” followed by, “I don’t kind [sic] gay people I really don’t but you don’t need to put gay into everything. we don’t put straight in everything,” which have been seen on Twitter and have appeared in several articles discussing the subject (the only reason I’m not adding a link is because of some of the other comments). There are likely more instances of criticism, but these are the ones I’ve seen most often.

In the comment, “okay not trying to be mean but this is getting out of hand,” which is followed by the emoji depicting a person laughing so hard they are crying, there is the presence of the pesky word “but.” As discussed by a fellow blogger, this word can be problematic. Though the situation and context are different, the message is similar: the “but” signifies a contradiction and tells the reader the individual is about to justify why, in this situation, they think being mean is okay. Regardless of if this individual had said “okay not trying to be mean but” or if they had not included this phrase, the message they send is still the same. The presence of the qualifier is just there to make it look, sound, and feel more pleasant.

This comment, and the one following it, have sparked numerous debates across social media. First, we have the “this is getting out of hand” remark, which has been combatted with examples from numerous other animated movies, including “Bee Movie,” in which a relationship, though never explicitly romantic, develops between a human and a bee, and “The Princess and the Frog,” where a romantic relationship develops between a human and a frog. Though there is probably argument against each of these examples, there is definitely argument for them as well. These relationships are not seen to be “out of hand,” where a relationship between two human females is labeled a problem.

To take it further, the next comment furthers the sentiment that this is a problem and says two very critical things:
1. “you don’t need to put gay into everything.”
2. “we don’t put straight in everything.”

Let me start by saying the LGBTQ+ community is very underrepresented in media. More often than not, when there is representation it enforces negative stereotypes about those within the community and further makes LGBTQ+ individuals seem like they are wrong for being different. I get that there are a lot of fan movements right now to increase representation, but that is for the purpose of increasing representation and helping LGBTQ+ youth have characters they can relate to. I think it’s more fair to say that the lack of proper representation is more out of hand than a potential same-sex couple speculated from what maybe totals three seconds.

To say there is no representation for those who are not in the LGBTQ+ community is just outright false. It is so ingrained in us to see cisgender/heterosexual representation that we simply do not think about it anymore. We call it normal and everything different a problem, leading to posts such as this one. If you think I am wrong, here are a few examples of heterosexual representation in movies (note, I am only listing movies here):

As far as gender representation goes, though gender cannot necessarily be visually assigned with any sort of accuracy, we are generally not given any reason to believe anyone depicted in most movies or shows is any gender other than cisgender. Two more current examples where there is representation are:

Despite all of those who seem to have a problem with this potential same-sex representation, there is a lot of support as well. Many people think the representation is important, and personally I agree with them. So far, from what’s seen in the clip, it is entirely possible that there is a same-sex couple in the movie, but it’s also possible there is not. If there is, I think it would be a wonderful thing. There are so many people, younger people especially, who need to see that representation, and need to see it in a non-negative way. Despite the progress we’ve made, the community is still considered lesser in the eyes of many people. Seeing someone similar in a movie or some other form of media is such a positive thing for younger members of the LGBTQ+ community. They will feel less alone and, ultimately, more accepted.

We talk about role models and their importance, and I personally do not think all role models need to be of the same gender, sexual orientation, or romantic orientation as the people looking up to them. However, I also feel that it is very important for that option to be there. If there are only role models who are cisgender, heterosexual, and heteroromantic, this still continues to enforce the idea that straying from this norm is not okay, and that there is no one who has strayed who qualifies as a role model. And this idea is rather ridiculous because there are so many great role models in the LGBTQ+ community who have helped more people than most of them think possible.

If you still think this possible representation in this movie is a problem, and you are one of the people who is not going to see the movie solely because of the possibility of a same-sex couple, I would like to ask you a question. Why is this a problem, but seeing the movie knowing Ellen Degeneres, an openly homosexual woman, voices Dory, the main character of the movie, is not?

Everyone’s identity is valid. No one should feel like their identity is a problem or a burden. But when something as simple as two women standing next to each other with a child can cause people to spread hate, people are going to feel like their identities are a problem, and that is not okay. We should not be enforcing exclusion.

Posted in Discussion, Gender, Issue, LGBTQ+, Sexuality, Societal, Stereotypes | 2 Comments

What is Polysexuality?

It’s Terminology Tuesday once again, and this week I will be discussing polysexuality.

“Poly-” as a prefix generally means “two or more.” In regards to sexuality, this means attraction to two or more genders. For example, someone who is polysexual may be attracted to males, nonbinary individuals, and agender individuals. However, this is only one example, and every person is different.

Polysexuality is not to be confused with polyamory, bisexuality, or pansexuality. Though they may have their similarities in some cases, each means something different, and each is valid.

If you want to add to the discussion or ask a question, feel free to leave a comment, Tweet at Beneath The Identity, or contact me directly.

Posted in LGBTQ+, Sexuality, Spectrum, Terminology Tuesday | Leave a comment

What is Demisexuality?

Welcome back to Terminology Tuesday. This week I will be explaining demisexuality.

Someone who is demisexual does not feel sexual attraction toward someone unless there is an emotional connection. Demisexuality is not too uncommon of an identity, though many do not know the term exists.

A common misconception is that those who are demisexual are sexually attracted to everyone they develop a stronger connection with. But, as with all identities, this is not true.

If you want to add to the discussion or ask a question, feel free to leave a comment, Tweet at Beneath The Identity, or contact me directly.

Posted in LGBTQ+, Sexuality, Spectrum, Terminology Tuesday | Leave a comment

What is Bisexuality?

This week I want to talk about bisexuality for Terminology Tuesday because I feel it’s generally a very misunderstood term. 

I was reading a few posts recently (one of them, which contains others, can be found here), and they opened my eyes a bit to bisexuality and how it can differ from pansexuality. 

The prefix “bi-” means “two,” which is generally what I think causes a lot of confusion. The “two” bisexual attraction generally refer to are the same gender as you and other genders. Other genders does not mean all other genders, but is not limited to only one other gender. For example, someone who is bisexual may be attracted to cis males, trans males, and nonbinary individuals. This can differ from pansexuality because the prefix “pan-” means “all.”

A common misconception about bisexual individuals is that they are gay or straight at different times, depending upon who they are with or who they want to be with. However, this is not true. Bisexuality is an identity which is just as valid as every other identity.

If you have any questions or anything to add, join the discussion! Either leave a comment, or contact me. 

Posted in LGBTQ+, Sexuality, Spectrum, Terminology Tuesday | Leave a comment

Day of Silence

Today is the Day of Silence, and I wanted to take a moment to acknowledge this day for several reasons.

First, to those of you participating, I want to applaud you. What you are doing is a difficult thing for a lot of people, and from my experiences participating, it is not an easy thing to not speak at all.

Second, to those of you not participating, I want to reassure you. You are in no way an inferior member of/ally to the LGBTQ+ community if you are not participating in the Day of Silence. I am not participating either, but I am still an active member in the community and will still be an advocate for our rights and what we stand for.

So why am I not participating?

I don’t see how it’s helping us. We, as a group, have been persistently marginalized. Every day our very existence challenges so many norms, cisnormativity and heteronormativity among them. And while we have without a doubt come a long way, there are still issues, and we see them every day. Take what happened recently to Elliot. This kind of thing happens to our community on a daily basis.

I participated in the Day of Silence a few times throughout middle and high school. And at that point, to me, I was helping take a stand for those who felt they did not have a voice. But now, I don’t think this is the best way to take a stand. I don’t think being silent is going to get anything done for us. We weren’t silent when Elliot was bullied. We weren’t silent when Leelah or Zander or Ashton or any of the other countless trans youth were lost to the hands of the bullying and the pressure society puts on us. So why be silent now?

I do not want to give anyone the wrong idea here. Silence is definitely a form of communication, and there is certainly benefit to it in the right moments. I just no longer see the benefit of it in this moment. If we want to make a statement about our rights, why is being silent about it the best way for us to do this right now?

Growing up, I was the quiet kid. I barely talked in school. When I was with my friends, I usually was not loud enough to get a word in. I kept quiet and I kept to myself. But a lot has changed over the past year or so, and I find that I am actually sick of being silent. I’ve been owning my voice, and it has made such a difference. So no, today I won’t be silent. I’ve done my time being silent, and now I’m here to be loud and be proud. To me, we’ve been silent for longer than we think, and I think it’s high time we have a voice. Coming from the quiet kid I once was, and very well probably still am in certain settings, it’s time we speak up.

If you have anything to add, want to ask a question, want to further discuss this, or even want to debate about it, feel free to either leave a comment, find Beneath The Identity on Twitter, or contact me directly.

Posted in Discussion, Issue, LGBTQ+, Personal, Societal | Leave a comment

Transgender Awareness Day

For those of you who didn’t know, today is Transgender Awareness Day!

Different days mean different things to different people. For some, today is just another day. For others, however, today is an important day. For me, today holds a sort of special place in my heart because I came out to my parents last year on Transgender Awareness Day. For me, today is a day which not only can help to show the world we exist, but is a day where I personally showed those in my life that exist. Some of us are bringing awareness to ourselves, and I want you to know I am proud of you.

There has been a lot of progress made regarding the rights of LGBTQ+ individuals, including transgender individuals, within the past year. Even though we still push for equality on different issues, it’s important to remember what we have accomplished, because we’ve done some great things.

If you get the chance, wear either light blue, light pink, or white today to show your support for the trans* community. Try to get together with some friends and make the transgender flag with your different colored shirts. If you do, make sure to post it with #TransgenderAwarenessDay.

Join the discussion! If there is anything you want to add, share, or ask, feel free to leave a comment, Tweet at Beneath The Identity, or contact me directly. And remember: you are never alone.

Posted in Discussion, Gender, LGBTQ+, Personal, Societal, Spectrum | Leave a comment

What Does Genderqueer Mean?

This week for Terminology Tuesday I’m going to discuss what genderqueer means.

Genderqueer is one of the umbrella terms for identities on the gender spectrum. It encompasses any non-cisgender identity, including transgender identities (transgender can also be an umbrella term). 

If you have anything to add, any questions, or want to talk about your experiences with your identity, feel free to comment, find Beneath The Identity on Twitter, or contact me

Posted in Gender, LGBTQ+, Spectrum, Terminology Tuesday | Leave a comment

Why Are Pronouns Important?

We know what pronouns are, but why talk about them? Why learn about what they are?

Pronouns are an essential part of language. We add them to our sentences so instinctually, reading a passage without them is rather annoying. As earlier discussed, pronouns are used in the place of nouns in instances where the noun has already been stated (for example: “Gary moved his book.” In this example, “his” is the pronoun used in place of “Gary,” an already stated noun).

What makes pronouns even more important than they already are, is how we use them to refer to people. For most, being referred to as “he” or as “she,” corresponding to their biological sex, is what makes them comfortable. However, individuals on the gender spectrum may choose to change their pronouns, and this change may be to a neutral pronoun. Learning about the different pronouns and how pronouns work overall can be extremely beneficial when referring to those around you.

If you want to learn more about pronouns, or add to the discussion, feel free to leave a comment, find Beneath The Identity on Twitter, or contact me directly.

Part one of this series.

Posted in Gender, LGBTQ+, Spectrum | 1 Comment