Coming Out

Before I start: If you have come out, I’m proud of you. It can take a lot to come out, and that is not unnoticed.

Another note: You should never out someone who is not comfortable or ready. Coming out is a big step for most people, and taking that step is an individual choice that should be made by the person themselves and only that person.

For those of you who don’t know, coming out is not a “one and done” situation. Coming out is a constant process and happens so many more times after the first. It gets easier the more you do it, because you establish a support system with each person you come out to who is close to you. On top of that, you learn how you feel most comfortable phrasing it, which makes the act of saying it out loud that much easier.

However, there’s this unspoken idea that if you identify as heterosexual/heteroromantic/cisgender, you don’t need to come out. For years I never understood why. Why does everyone else have to come out? What makes them not have to? It’s “the norm?” Okay? It’s “normal” to like pizza, yet you don’t see the people who don’t telling everyone about it.

Since it is “the norm,” it is therefore argued that someone who is heterosexual/heteroromantic/cisgender already came out because of the assumption that everyone identifies as such. Which leads to the idea that anyone who is different needs to make that information known, even if it’s already assumed. But as I’ve said (and as the post linked to above supports), that seems to only be the case for things involving the spectrums, because I don’t have to, for example, say I don’t like broccoli.

But there can be benefits to coming out. Part of the reason I believe this is something I discussed in an earlier post. I also believe this because had I not come out, the transition from one name to another would have been a lot harder than it already was/is. There are different ways to go about it, such as just outright saying something like, “my name is <name>” or “my pronouns are <pronoun>” but coming out is still an option.

Whether you want to come out or you don’t is completely up to you. If you feel you need to come out and there’s someone safe in your life who you trust and are comfortable coming out to, come out to them, either for the first time or again. If you aren’t ready to come out to anyone you personally know, if you feel comfortable you can come out to me as many times as you want or need to. It may not seem like much, but sometimes you just need somewhere safe to say it, and I would be honored to be that safe space for you.

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