What Does Transgender Mean?

This Terminology Tuesday I will explain what it means when someone uses the term “transgender.”

If you are transgender, your gender identity does not align with the sex you were assigned at birth. For example, if your parents or doctor identified you as a girl when you were born, and you identify as a boy now, you are transgender.

This is not limited to only from boy to girl or girl to boy. You could have been identified as a boy at birth and identify as bigender now. “Transgender” can be used as an umbrella term.

If you like science, think of trans molecules vs. cis molecules. When a molecule is a trans molecule, the atoms are not on the same side; when a person is transgender, their identity and their sex are not on the same side. Similarly, when a molecule is a cis molecule, the atoms are on the same side; when a person is cisgender, both their sex and their identity are on the same side.

If you are still confused about what it means to be transgender, feel free to leave a comment or contact me for more information.

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What Are Pronouns?

This week for Terminology Tuesday I will begin a multipart discussion about pronouns by explaining what pronouns are.

As defined by the Shorter Oxford English Dictionary, a pronoun is, “A word used instead of a noun to designate an object which is identifiable from context or usage, or which has already been mentioned or indicated (e.g. we, theirs, this, ourselves, who). (One of the parts of speech.)”

An example of this (adapted from a passage in Susan Thurman’s book):
Without pronouns: Is the situation just Tyler, or is the temperature really hot in here?
With pronouns: Is it just me, or is it really hot in here?
In this example, the nouns are situation, Tyler, and temperature, and the pronouns used to refer to those nouns are it, me, and it, respectively.

Pronouns can be used to refer to any noun, people included. The three main types of pronouns which can refer to people are personal, possessive, and reflexive (the book I’m getting my definitions for these from was written by Thurman).

Personal pronouns refer to people or objects.
Some examples of these are I, me, her, and it.
Personal pronouns in a sentence:waved to her this morning.

Possessive pronouns show ownership.
Some examples of these are his, theirs, and yours.
Possessive pronouns in a sentence: The notebook is yours.

Reflexive pronouns reflect back to someone/something else in the sentence.
Some examples of these are itself, ourselves, and myself.
Reflexive pronouns in a sentence: We removed ourselves from the situation.

If you are still confused about what pronouns are, feel free to leave a comment or contact me.

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What Does Cisgender Mean?

Welcome to the first installment of Terminology Tuesday, where I will explain a certain term more in-depth than I do on the terms page.

This week I will explain what it means when someone uses the term “cisgender.”

This is one of the easier terms to both explain and understand. If you are cisgender, your gender identity aligns with the sex you were assigned at birth. For example, if your parents or doctor identified you as a boy when you were born, and you identify as a boy throughout the rest of your life, you are cisgender.

If you like science, think of cis molecules vs. trans molecules. When a molecule is a cis molecule, the atoms are on the same side; when a person is cisgender, both their sex and their identity are on the same side. Similarly, when a molecule is a trans molecule, the atoms are not on the same side; when a person is transgender, their identity and their sex are not on the same side.

If you are still confused about what it means to be cisgender, feel free to leave a comment or contact me for more information.

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A Thank You Note to Allies

Allies,

Your dedication to the community is something I respect and admire, especially when there are so many people who try to discredit the importance of what you do. You are necessary, and you shouldn’t let anyone convince you otherwise.

You’re able to help when I need it most, whether you know you’re doing it or not. Sometimes simply knowing you’re nearby is enough to make me feel safer because I know I have a safe place to go if I’m feeling unsafe where I am. 

Your support has helped me get to today as a stronger, more confident person. Knowing my journey isn’t one I need to go through alone, and knowing I have people who I can go to when I need help or just need to talk something out is extremely comforting. 

Whether you’re family, friends, professors/teachers, or all of the above, thank you so much for being the amazingly understanding and welcoming people you are. You are making a difference.

Sincerely,

Tyler

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Response to The Ethicist

Recently, I was reading the article “When to Out a Transgender Dater?” published in a column called The Ethicist on July 9, 2010 by Randy Cohen. There are so many things to say about this article and though it is from 2010, I feel it is still relevant to talk about.

The anonymous asker:

She begins by identifying herself as a straight woman and tells this story of how she was set up with a man and he wouldn’t reveal as much about his past as she had anticipated. She did some digging online, found out he is transgender (female to male), and promptly ended their relationship. They both live in an Orthodox Jewish community, and she doesn’t know if she should have their rabbi out him.

The respondent:

They discuss that her date should not have withheld the information as it is important for the progression of the relationship. They also go on to say he is entitled to his privacy, and while she should not be going around outing him to everyone, it would be understandable if she were to discuss the situation with a few close friends.

My response:

It is NEVER okay to out someone without their explicit permission. This woman wouldn’t have even known in the first place had she not done “sophisticated checking online” to find out what he was “hiding.” While I agree with the respondent that he is entitled to his privacy and should not be outed to the community, they went about it in a way that made him out to be a bad person who was doing the equivalent of not disclosing he had an STD. This man is not in the wrong for not coming out to a woman he just met. He didn’t want or need to come out, so he didn’t. She had no clue he had been anything other than a man his entire life until she did her background check.

I can understand not wanting to date someone who isn’t biologically one gender or the other. But I can’t understand why him being born with an X chromosome puts him at fault.

More responses to this on The Ethicist.

More about coming out.

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Role Models

Recently I was reading the article “Why Colleges Need to Hire More Trans Faculty” which states the reason for this as trans* students needing role models.

While I agree that trans* students should have role models they trust, I feel every student should have role models and those role models should not be based upon gender identity.

When you like/are attracted to someone, whether it be platonically, romantically, or sexually, you don’t choose to feel that. Sure, you choose whether you act upon it or not, but you don’t choose to feel it and you don’t choose the person you feel it for. I believe the same goes for role models. You don’t choose who is in your life, who you connect the best with, who you trust, who you look up to.

I am a trans* student. I have a number of teachers/professors I look up to. All of them, to my knowledge, are cisgender. Them being cisgender doesn’t impede on their ability to be good role models for me. I trust them. I learn from them. I enjoy talking to them. I look up to them. I respect them. They just feel one way about their identities and I feel differently. What’s so bad about that? I could have a trans* professor, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they will become someone I look up to. We might not click, and that’s okay.

I don’t mean this to say having trans* faculty around wouldn’t be a good thing. It could be extremely beneficial for students to see there are professors of all different identities sharing the same space as them. I just don’t think that gender (normally) plays as big a part in finding your role model(s) as it is made to seem.

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Gender Stereotypes and Security

I feel like it’s important to begin this by saying I don’t feel wholly “female” or “male” (my gender identity falls on the gender spectrum). I know I’ve said it numerous times on here, but it relates, so please bear with me.

Recently I attended a few events, and at the first one I noticed everyone in front of me had to be pat down before they were allowed to enter. Makes sense. Not wanting to make anything difficult for anyone, I took everything extra out of my pockets. But when I got to the front of the line, security let me in after checking my bag. I was confused, so I asked one of my friends. She told me, “they only pat down guys.”

I repeatedly ask myself, why? Why was I not pat down as well? Why is it only males? Why was I perceived as female? If this is a binary construction, what happens for individuals who fall outside of the binary?

I was bothered by this. There was an assumption made and I didn’t know if it was a stereotype or not. I decided to ask Anastacia Kurylo from The Communicated Stereotype, because I wanted to make sure I wasn’t misreading the situation.

The problem I faced was partly caused by the assumption that all men are aggressive and should therefore be checked prior to entry to make sure none of them are bringing a weapon into a particular venue. However, the assumption is also made that no woman would even be able to fathom harming another human being. This leads to the situation I was in, where only those perceived as male were pat down due to the stereotype that only those people are a threat to others.

Had it been an issue of security only being permitted to pat down people of the same gender, it might be a bit of a different situation. But that wasn’t the case here. There were only female (perceived, I know) security guards patting down only individuals perceived as male. Even if the case had been males patting down males, would that be more appropriate? Who’s to say they are all heterosexual? If there were to be any sort of violence or harassment there, gender wouldn’t necessarily stop or change it.

There could be benefit to patting down people randomly, such as by patting down every fifth person who enters. This could eliminate gender bias and create a situation where anyone has the ability to be that fifth person. However, no one would know what this random system is, which could lead to it being broken because of personal bias. If a security guard perceives someone as a threat, they may pat them down even though they could be the third person. There could be bias in the security guard’s perception of that person, which could lead to a similar situation to the one we have now where only a certain group of people is subject to scrutiny.

So what can we do if we want to break this if we can’t do it randomly or based upon gender?
1) Pat down everyone.
2) Pat down no one.

If you have any alternative suggestions or comments, please feel free to share!

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Coming Out

Before I start: If you have come out, I’m proud of you. It can take a lot to come out, and that is not unnoticed.

Another note: You should never out someone who is not comfortable or ready. Coming out is a big step for most people, and taking that step is an individual choice that should be made by the person themselves and only that person.

For those of you who don’t know, coming out is not a “one and done” situation. Coming out is a constant process and happens so many more times after the first. It gets easier the more you do it, because you establish a support system with each person you come out to who is close to you. On top of that, you learn how you feel most comfortable phrasing it, which makes the act of saying it out loud that much easier.

However, there’s this unspoken idea that if you identify as heterosexual/heteroromantic/cisgender, you don’t need to come out. For years I never understood why. Why does everyone else have to come out? What makes them not have to? It’s “the norm?” Okay? It’s “normal” to like pizza, yet you don’t see the people who don’t telling everyone about it.

Since it is “the norm,” it is therefore argued that someone who is heterosexual/heteroromantic/cisgender already came out because of the assumption that everyone identifies as such. Which leads to the idea that anyone who is different needs to make that information known, even if it’s already assumed. But as I’ve said (and as the post linked to above supports), that seems to only be the case for things involving the spectrums, because I don’t have to, for example, say I don’t like broccoli.

But there can be benefits to coming out. Part of the reason I believe this is something I discussed in an earlier post. I also believe this because had I not come out, the transition from one name to another would have been a lot harder than it already was/is. There are different ways to go about it, such as just outright saying something like, “my name is <name>” or “my pronouns are <pronoun>” but coming out is still an option.

Whether you want to come out or you don’t is completely up to you. If you feel you need to come out and there’s someone safe in your life who you trust and are comfortable coming out to, come out to them, either for the first time or again. If you aren’t ready to come out to anyone you personally know, if you feel comfortable you can come out to me as many times as you want or need to. It may not seem like much, but sometimes you just need somewhere safe to say it, and I would be honored to be that safe space for you.

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Labels

I have expressed how I don’t like to label myself, but I also prefer to categorize my posts and have a page of what terms are out there and what they mean. I want to clarify why this is, because the two could be considered contradictory.

I also want to emphasize two things:
There is nothing wrong with identifying with a certain term.
There is nothing wrong with choosing not to identify with a term at all.

There are a number of reasons someone might have a problem with labels. They have the power to categorize people in ways most would say is inaccurate. And when you’re constantly “put into the wrong box” so to speak, it hurts.

However, there are also some benefits to labels. In a situation such as categorizing posts, labels help to convey a general idea of what topic a post is going to be covering. I’m not intending to create an issue with anyone, I’m just trying to organize my blog the way I think is best. This is the purpose labels serve throughout our lives. We label things so we can mentally organize them. It doesn’t seem like the problem is in the label itself, it’s in what is done after that mental categorization has taken place.

I personally don’t put a specific label on my identity, not because I have an issue with labels themselves, but because I do not feel any of them are accurate for me. I stick to the umbrella terms because I feel like it helps people to “categorize” me without doing it inaccurately (unless of course they have an inaccurate idea of what the umbrella term is). For example, I either say “non-binary” or “genderqueer” when asked what my gender identity is, because all I know is I don’t feel like I’m entirely a “girl” or entirely a “boy.” I’m not concerning myself with where exactly I fall on the spectrum, I just know I’m on it. Any label more specific than that doesn’t feel right for me. Just because something doesn’t feel right for me doesn’t mean it isn’t right for you. I prefer not to label myself, but I completely respect your identity however you choose to describe it to me. You are you. You should identify with what feels right for you. I’m going to identify with what feels right for me. It’s okay for them to be different.

If you have an opinion you would like to share about labels, please either comment or email me.

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National Coming Out Day

Hey there everyone! Happy National Coming Out Day!

I think something important to remember when this day rolls around is that it’s about more than coming out for yourself; it’s about coming out for others too. And that doesn’t mean to literally come out for them. You should never out someone else, especially someone who isn’t ready. But if you make it known that you’re a safe person for someone who is afraid or feels like they can’t come out, you’ve helped. You’ve done something great. There are people, possibly some of you, who are going to say “coming out as an ally isn’t okay,” and while I understand where that’s coming from, I disagree. I get that there are people who are going to come out as allies and say they are a part of the community, and that’s a topic for another time. But I can’t bring myself to hold the opinion that coming out as an ally is entirely a bad thing because when you’re in that position, when you’re scared of coming out and feel like it’s going to lead to problems, pain, rejection, or worse, having a friend, a teacher, or anyone else who you know is an ally, who you know won’t judge you for being who you are, is important. Late last year was the first time I told anyone about my gender identity. Granted, it was around the same time I found out male and female weren’t the only gender identities in the world, but nevertheless it was around that time when I first told anyone. There was one person who was one of the first people I told because I knew I’d be safe and I wouldn’t be judged. And when I told this person I came out to my parents, the instant response I received was, “I am proud of the person you are. Always.” If I could articulate how much that meant to me, I would have a long time ago (and if you’re the person I’m referring to, thank you again). Having someone on your side, someone who can do that for you, makes a world of difference. And if you disagree, please talk to me because I want to understand why and I can’t if we never discuss it.

Stay safe. Stay comfortable. Stay you.
Happy National Coming Out Day guys.

Posted in Gender, LGBTQ+, Personal, Romantic Orientation, Sexuality, Societal, Spectrum | 6 Comments